01 Anger Control

Anger Producing Thinking

LEARNING GOALS OF THE MODULE

Students will learn how their own thoughts can contribute to arousal.
Students will identify 5 types of distorted thinking,
Students will learn coping strategies for their type of thinking errors.

CONCEPTUAL MATRIX

This session focuses on the third elements the anger process, distorted thinking. Often we “talk ourselves” into becoming angry. We make automatic and almost “unheard” comments to ourselves which flame the anger rising inside of us.

The purpose of the session is three fold

To help the participants learn that they contribute to their own anger by “self-talk”.
To help the participants identify the five types of thinking errors that are most commonly made by people with anger problems.
To have the participants prepare some coping strategies to mitigate these thinking errors.

MATERIALS NEEDED

Blackboard or flip chart & markers
Thinking That Makes us Angry handout
Hot Thinking Worksheet
Pen or pencil

Download Available | Dr. Tanner’s Worksheets – Permissible Use Granted by Author

PROCESS

Review the triggers to anger:

FRUSTRATION When you are prevented or blocked from doing something you want to do. Frustrations often lead to our becoming angry.
ANNOYANCES When things such as repeated noises or interruptions get on your nerves. Barking dogs, equipment breakdowns, noisy neighbors and other repeated annoyances can lead to anger.
TREATMENT When you feel you have been treated unfairly. If someone is unjust or unfair to us, it is easy to become angry at that person.
ABUSE When you are verbally or physically abused or attacked. When people put us down, call us names, or get physical with us it often leads to anger.
LET DOWNS When you are disappointed in your behavior or the behavior of others. When you feel like someone has let you down or you have let yourself down it can lead to anger.

Have each participant review his/her homework. Each participant should identify five triggers, five sets of body cues, and five plans for dealing with the triggers.

Have the group help any participant who reports difficulty in finding a plan for his/her triggers.

Review the anger process with the participants

Perception –> Thoughts –> Feelings –> Response

Tell the class that today we will be examining the second component of the anger process – THOUGHTS.

We constantly speak to ourselves. This internal dialogue is how we “think”. Tell the class we are going to do an experiment. Tell them:
- You are going to give them something to think about for 10 seconds.
- You want them to think about ONLY this thing.
- You want them to think about this thing WITHOUT “talking to themselves”.

Tell the class to think about a HAMBURGER.

Give them 10 seconds.

Ask the class how it went. Have fun discussing how they “had trouble”. How many of them:

had to ‘tell themselves’ to think about a hamburger over and over again?
had to ‘tell themselves’ not to think about other things (like Wendy’s or McDonalds, or Pickles, or Onions, or the time/date/place they ate their last hamburger, etc.)

Point out to the participants that most people will fail this challenge MISERABLY. This is because we “think” in language. We constantly “talk to ourselves” in our heads when we think.

Point out that sometimes this “self talk” occurs without us even knowing it. This is especially true in stressful or tense situations.

Tell the class that most of the time we contribute to our getting angry by “talking ourselves into becoming upset” but often don’t realize we are doing this.

Distribute the Thinking That Makes Us Angry Handout. Discuss each of the five FATAL thinking errors that cause us to become angry.

FAILURE We tell ourselves we “should” or “ought”to be a certain way. When we don’t behave in accordance with these rules, we tell ourselves we are a failure, which makes us angry.

ASSUMPTIONS Often we “mind read” others. When we do this we make assumptions about why they are doing or saying things to us. Usually the things we assume about their motives tend to make us angry.

TAPES In our heads we carry a set of “rules” we expect others to follow. These rules play inside our heads like a tape in a boom box. When others don’t follow these taped “rules”, we can become angry.

AMPLIFICATION When disturbing things happen, we tend to make them seem more significant than they really are. We do this by amplifying the bad consequences that may occur.

LABELING Labeling others or calling them names such as “Jerk” or “Idiot” only increases our anger toward them. We judge them by a single incident rather than as a whole person.

Discuss with the class that these thinking errors are hard to detect. There are several reasons for this:

They are private. We say them to ourselves but seldom say them to anyone else. Often we amplify the things we say to ourselves. For instance we say things like “This is terrible, its the worst thing that could possibly happen to me. of or III looked like a real fool, nobody will ever like me again now.”
They are ‘automatic’. They happen so quickly we don’t even notice we are saying them to ourselves. Part of this “automatic-ness’ is because we believe them to be true.
They are usually brief. We say things like “its over” and understand it to mean:
“This is it. I will lose my job over this. I probably won’t be able to get another job this good again. I will probably go to jail for losing my job. How can I pay child support without a job? What am I going to do? This is terrible. I don’t think I can handle this. Everyone will hate me.”
They usually forecast the “end of the world”. One depressing thought leads to another and another.
Because they are so brief and so depressing in nature, they are very difficult to turn off. They seem to repeat themselves and lead to other self-talk statements.

Ask the class if any of this sounds familiar? (Any one depressed?).

Distribute the Hot Thinking Worksheet. Go over the instructions with the class. Once they understand the task, give them 2-4 minutes to fill in the LEFT and CENTER columns.

Share with the class that there is hope. We can learn to “Talk Back” to our self-talk. Hold a discussion with the class which covers the five ways of talking back listed below. Have the class suggest other ways to talk back for each category. Talk-back statements should be short so they can be said quickly (like selftalk). [The “Talk Back” category suggests things the clients can “say” to themselves in response to the self-talk.]

A. Failure.

Self-Talk: We tell ourselves we “should” or “ought’ to be a certain way. When we don’t behave in accordance with these rules, we tell ourselves we are a failure, which makes us angry.

Approach: Question the set of “unwritten” rules you have for yourself. Ask yourself where they came from. Realistically look at what happens if you violate your rule (does the world really come to an end?).

Talk-back: “Who says?”
“Be flexible”
“Can too (do it this way)
(client suggestions)

B. Assumptions.

Self-Talk: Often we “mind read” others. When we do this we make assumptions about why they are doing or saying things to us. Usually the things we assume about their motives tend to make us angry.

Approach: BAC up (from the PS Unit]. Look at their behavior. Look for assumptions you are making. Ask them for their reasoning. Don’t “mind-rape” them.

Talk-back: “Check it out’
“What’s the DEAL?” (PS Unit)
“How do I know”
“BAC up”
(client suggestions)

C. Tapes.

Self-Talk: In our heads we carry a set of “rules” we expect others to follow. These rules play inside our heads like a tape in a boom box. When others don’t follow these taped “rules”, we can become angry.

Approach: Listen for the “tape” that is playing in your head. Do an EBS (PS Unit) on the tape. Question the rules contained on that tape. Where did they come from? Think about them and ask yourself if you agree with them (we often don’t – they are more habit than well thought out).

Talk-back: “Get a grip”
“Be flexible”
“What the harm?”
“Do an EBS” (PS Unit)
(client suggestions)

D. Amplification.

Self-Talk: When disturbing things happen, we tend to make them seem more significant than they really are. We do this by amplifying the bad consequences that may occur.

Approach: Take a realistic view of the situation. Do a PMI and decided what the realistic odds are that this will result in disaster. Stop using words like “terrible, disaster, awful, worse thing…”.

Talk-back: “Don’t exaggerate”
“Check it out”
“What the odds”
“I can deal with it”
(client suggestions)

E. Labeling.

Self-Talk: Labeling others or calling them names such as “Jerk” or “Idiot” only increases our anger toward them. We judge them by a single incident rather than as a whole person.

Approach: Stop name-calling. Look at the big picture. Analyze the behavior, not the person. Think about times the person was OK

Talk-back: “What not who”
“Not always true” (the label)
“Bad act, good person”
“Think Big Picture”
(client suggestions)

Tell the class to return to their HOT Thinking Worksheet. Have them review the self-talk statements. Tell them to write in two Talk-back statements in the right hand column for each self-talk.

Tell the participants we can learn to automatically talk-back to our self(thereby reducing our arousal). The way to learn to do this is to PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE saying the self-talk statement immediately followed by the talk-back statement.

Have each participant read each of their self-talk statements and the two associated talk-back statements aloud to the class. [Have some fun with this or it can get really tense].

Tell the participants that they should practice saying the self-talk and associated talk-back statements at least 3 times a day for the next week. The idea is to train themselves to respond to automatically with the talk-back when they hear themselves doing FATAL self-talk.

THINKING THAT MAKES US ANGRY

When we think in a distorted manner, it can be FATAL to reducing anger. Below are some ways we often “think ourselves” into becoming more angry.

FAILURE We tell ourselves we if should” or “ought” to be a certain way. When we don’t behave in accordance with these rules, we tell ourselves we are a failure, which makes us angry.

TAPES In our heads we carry a set of “rules” we expect others to follow. These rules play inside our heads like a tape in a boom box. When others don’t follow if these taped “rules , we can become angry.